Judgment, or growing a pair

We had a speaker come and talk to us at work the other day. She gave a two hour talk about parenting and told lots of stories of her own upbringing and her own experience as a parent.
After she finished speaking, I went back up to my classroom, called Husband, and started sobbing. I was barely comprehensible. We. Had a. Speaker. Said. Something. Moms who. Ship. Kids off. To daycare. My baby. Said something after. Panic attack. Crazy lady. I cried harder. Husband, understandably, asked me to slow down, start over, and tell him why I was upset.
We had a speaker. She came to talk about parenting. She made a comment about moms who "ship their kids off to daycare." I said something to her after about her comment. But cause I don't do that, I came off as a crazy lady, shaking and not breathing and having a panic attack. I'm still having a panic attack. I. Just. Want. To. Stay. Home. With. Him. I started crying again. My occasional saint of a husband listened as I cried and rambled about how I feel judged because I have to take my kid to daycare, and how I know that it's the best thing for our family but it's so hard to know that he goes and Husband leaves him and he cries, and how even though I'd probably hate being a stay at home mom, I'd still choose to do it in a second if I could. {sidenote: I'm getting all riled up again, so I must go to the kitchen and bring back reinforcements (cookies)}
Am back with cookies.
As I listened to this speaker the other day, who was obviously well-educated and well read, I didn't want to buy into what she said because of her comment. Her comment was nothing more than an item in a list of why parenting is so much tougher these days than in generations past and why kids have so many more problems these days than in generations past. I don't know that anyone else in the audience even caught that remark. But I did, and it weighed on me throughout her talk. And the whole time, I debated whether or not I should say something to her. When she asked for feedback, I decided I should grow a pair and give some polite, respectful feedback about how deeply her comment cut me.
The thing is, I'm not assertive. I try very hard to be polite and agreeable and generally just nod and smile. But I thought of my sweet boy's wails on Monday morning, his first morning back at daycare, and I thought of how I'd give anything to be able to be a stay at home mom, and I thought of how deeply it stings me and other working mamas when someone refers to daycare as "someone else raising your child." I had to give feedback.
What I wanted to say was: Thank you for your talk. It was very informative, and I loved how openly you were able to share your family's stories. I felt, however, that your comment about moms who "ship their kids off to daycare" was a little unfair. I know it's hard when we see moms who hire nannies and go play tennis and get their nails done and don't take opportunities to spend time with their children, but sometimes parents take their kids to daycare because they don't have a choice. Thank you again for spending time with us.
What came out was a little different. Thank you for talking to us. [voice shaking and cracking] One of your comments stung me a little. [deep breath] [blink back tears] Not. Everyone. Who. Takes. Their. I'm sorry. I never. Say anything to. Anyone. Like. This. Child. To. Daycare does. [deep breath] I'm a. Little nervous. I'm sorry. Some of us. Take our kids. To daycare. Because we have to. [small sob (hey, it's what I do)]. I'm sorry.
She looked really shocked. I'm sure she's not used to crazy ladies coming up and criticizing her talks. She and I talked for a few minutes, and I tried very hard to impress on her that I am not actually a crazy, overly emotional lady, that I'm just a mama who misses her child terribly and feels like a crappy mom anyway and doesn't need parent educators making comments that appear to judge mamas who have to do the daycare thing.
She apologized profusely and said she should have been more sensitive, that she was nervous as this was her first time speaking on this particular topic, gave me a hug and appeared to listen open-mindedly as I told her my issues with that attitude and that I truly wasn't crazy, it's just that being assertive is very. Difficult. For. Me.
I wish I'd been able to say my piece without coming off as a crazy crying lady, and I wish I'd been able to call Husband proud of myself for standing up for all the mamas who would give anything to stay at home but can't because the money just isn't there, and the mamas who work because they know that they are better moms because they work-and I truly believe there are lots out there-rather than calling him sobbing because I "ship my kid off to daycare until 6 p.m." and worrying that everyone who looks at me judges me and finds me lacking and unfit and worrying that I hurt this poor speaker's feelings with my criticism.
I believe that the next time she gives this talk, she won't make a flippant remark about daycare. And I'd like to think that in time, I'll grow up, I'll grow a pair, and I'll be able to assert myself in a respectful manner without coming off as a crazy lady. Someday.