not there

All year I planned on being in DC today, shoving my way into the crowds on the Mall. I didn't care who won; I was going to be there. I told my mother I was going to do that. I told a co-worker I was going to do that.
And then I got scared. I got scared of guns and bombs and people yelling terrible things and doing terrible things and whatif I took Mr. Independent up there and something terrible happened. So I didn't take my personal day. I didn't trek up 95 last night. I swam and went to Book Club and came home. I told myself that my students needed me and that it wasn't good for Mr. Independent to be in the cold for hours on end and that really we can't afford the gas anyway. But really, I got scared. And that's why, in the school gym, watching it on a screen with poor audio hook-up I squeezed my eyes to keep the tears away.