a marital impasse

This is what's in my mudroom right now...



And this is what Wikipedia says:
It should not be taken as an indication of docility, for under serious threat, an opossum will respond ferociously, hissing, screeching, and showing its teeth. But with enough stimulation, the opossum will enter a near coma, which can last up to four hours. It lies on its side, mouth and eyes open, tongue hanging out, emitting both a green fluid from its anus and an odor putrid to most predators.

And yet we're not calling animal control...
I ain't cleaning up any green anal fluid!