My Self Loathing, Part 4

For the past several weeks, Husband's been after me to make a doctor's appointment. In addition to probably needing a check up, we think I might have a touch of post partum depression, and I can't get full, no matter how much or how often I eat. I've been putting it off, making excuses, and generally avoiding the whole thing because I'm secretly scared something is wrong with me-like I'm dying of some terrible disease that has yet to be discovered, much less cured and will not get to spend the next 60 years with the husband I love and will not get to see Baby grow up. My excuses have ranged from, "Let's just get through the closing and see how I feel after that," to "We can't afford the $25 co-pay," to "I don't feel like it."
I'm totally disgusted with myself, though, because I think we've now stumbled upon the symptom that will cause me to navigate the horrible Anthem website and find a doctor. I am going bald. I am not kidding. Last week, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and noticed two huge bald spots on either side of my forehead. I told Husband and he just humored me and said something like, "You're not going bald." Every single time I mentioned my baldness to him, he just continued to humor me, so I didn't even mention to him that my hair is falling out in clumps. Huge clumps. I think I can fill a trashcan with all the clumps of hair that fall out of my head in a day. I'm totally grossed out by this. I'm having nightmares of the clumps forming little hair clump armies and recruiting other hair clumps to fall out of my head and me waking up totally bald one morning.
I know that during pregnancy hair doesn't fall out nearly as much as it did pre-pregnancy, and after doing some research tonight I learned that many women go through a phase three to four months post delivery where hair falls out excessively, I'm not sure it's supposed to fall out at this rate.
Tonight, Husband came into the computer room to talk to me, and said, "Oh. I thought you were exaggerating. That's a pretty big bald spot. Maybe you should go to the doctor." I agreed immediately because while I can handle being a little sad sometimes, I can handle gaining weight, and I can handle pain in my abdomen, I am vain enough that I can't handle going bald. It's kind of sad that my health, mental and physical aren't enough to motivate me to call the doctor. It's even sadder that the thought of doing it for my baby doesn't motivate me. I'm completely ashamed that vanity is what's going to motivate me to climb the stairs to our unairconditioned office first thing Monday morning and make the call. Now that I think about it, though, maybe I am doing it for Baby. It would be pretty embarrassing for him to grow up with a bald mama.