What Not to Wear

Since my parents have satellite and Husband and I have cable at the new house, I've been watching an obscene amount of TV. I'm actually disgusted with the amount of TV I've been watching lately, and my book reading has suffered as a result.
I've gotten back into What Not to Wear, a show were two catty hosts berate some poor woman about her wardrobe (much like fashion conversations between me and my mom go), instruct her on how to shop and dress herself, then give her a $5,000 credit card to go shopping.
I was watching What Not to Wear the other day, and the girl on the show had clothes that looked like clothes I would wear. I didn't think her clothes were awful because Stacey and Clinton told me they were awful; just seeing them on someone did.
So I'd like to recruit help. I'm too poor to go shopping, but I would like some assistance in cleaning out my closet. I feel pretty frumpy most of the time and would like to start the school year being the hippest second grade teacher there. If you are available to help (at the new house), please let me know. No girl should have to make this important life step on her own.