Professional Development, or I just want to bang on the drum all day, part 2

I just returned from a one day conference, which was branded as "Professional Development," but really just gave me the opportunity to get some grading done and think about my job and life.
Four ideas, conversations, really, keep coming back to me.
The first is something my father said to me before I went to college: I think you should work really hard for the next four years in order to get into a good graduate school. Then I think you should work your butt off for another five in order to get a Ph.D. Then I think you should work your butt off for five more years and get tenured. Then you'll be set for life.
The second is an ad I saw in my college newspaper. All I remember of the ad is ARE YOU CALLED TO SERVE JESUS CHRIST AS A SCHOLAR? I wasn't Christian at the time, but I remember, even then, thinking that yes, I was in fact called to do that. It was a little strange, honestly.
The third is something Pastor Rod said in Bible study once when I was in college. I'm not sure what the discussion topic was that led him to say: The problem people have is that they keep getting off their horse and getting on another horse. If they could just stay on the horse they're supposed to be on, they'd be a lot happier.
The last is the conversation I had with my father when I was trying to decide if I should go to NYU or not. I'd gotten in to their individualized studies MA program, but I wasn't sure I should go. I didn't really know what I wanted to do. He said: There are lots of people competing for jobs right now, lots of people with lots of skills, and there aren't really a lot of jobs to be had. Maybe in two years the job front will be better for you. Translation: We don't want you back home, living in the basement, waiting tables for the next five years while you figure it out.

Then I made a chart.

Field	Jobs	Pros	Cons
Education	teacher reading teacher history teacher English teacher guidance counselor	schedule 3 months off (get to stay home with Micah!) people centered often rewarding	pressure often boring not intellectually stimulating lack of pay/financial support for continuing education/supplies will need more school to advance/be successful lack of confidence often frustrating parents
Anthropology/ archaeology	archaeologist college teacher museum person	very interesting travel intellectually stimulating	possibly not family friendly lots more school (i.e. more debt) schedule?
Food	baker pastry chef	good at it possibly family friendly instant gratification	maybe not talented, just adept hours could suck
law school	lawyer	concrete time table helping profession make more money	super expensive hard might be boring lack of confidence court
religion	?????	interesting	can kill the spirit
psychology	college professor counselor	some interesting aspects, esp. development/religion and psychology	lots of boring parts, esp. cognitive need more school

Then I discussed the chart with the co-worker sitting next to me, and I decided archeology looked really good.

Then I analyzed my chart. Was archaeology looking good to me because I'm currently dissatisfied with my current career or because that was the horse I should have been on all the time? I once again cursed L'abri and their discussion based intellectual approach for killing college for me and opening my mind to all sorts of ideas. I thought about how I really wanted to get a PhD-for several years really, and then for some reason gave up on the idea, even thought I had a graduate school professor tell me I should apply to Harvard and Yale in a few years. I don't know that anyone else has ever thought I was Harvard material. I started wondering why I gave up anthropology in the first place and how I've always been interested in the past and how it relates to the present and the future. Being an archaeologist was something I could always see myself doing forever, but I fear that if it is what I decide I want to do (for real this time, Husband, I swear!), it's just not practical. My life belongs to Husband and Baby, and I have to do what's right for them, not just what's right for myself. Becoming an anthropologist/professor would take an ass load of school-which I am certain I have in me-and an ass load of money-which I am certain I definitely can't come up with.
I turned to the education section of my chart. While I didn't hate my job this week, at least not until today, and in fairness, I only worked yesterday, looking my chart seems to indicate that education is certainly not for me. I'm likely to stay in it, at least for now, because I need to be home with my baby when I can. He pulled up for the first time yesterday, and I wasn't there to see it. I was thrilled my his new trick and crushed that someone else, a virtual stranger, got to witness the first time. I don't know of a more family friendly job, except for maybe the job Jen has, and I don't have the skills to do a job like that.
I moved on to food. I recently learned that I can cook well, and I have enjoyed making meals and treats for Husband and my mother. The idea of getting up in the morning and working at a bakery seems really soothing to me right now. Really, though, I'm not a morning person, nor am I certain that I can cook and bake well enough to please people other than my relatives. I'm interested in culinary school, but I'm such a picky eater I don't know if that's practical.
I thought about law school next, mostly because it was something my dad "encouraged" me to pursue. I quickly vetoed that because, although it would lead to a helping position, I don't think I can commit to three years of studying something I don't love.
I also vetoed religion. It's strange that it's a veto now when I spent so many years studying it. I loved studying religion and theology, but in many ways it killed my spirit. Still, I really long for people around me who love to talk about God and the Bible and not just in the "how's God working in your life these days" way, but the meaty wrestling with the text and tradition and challenging our lives and choices sort of way. I've not had that in so many years, and I ache for it.
Next, I thought about psychology. I majored in psychology in college, but I think it's just because I had some really good teachers and kept taking classes with them. I find some aspects of psychology really boring, like the cognitive stuff, but the developmental areas were really interesting to me. I'm not sure it's a passion of mine, although I could do it and be good at it.
Finally, I came back to education. Education is such a struggle because it's my current profession, and Husband and I decided this would be it for me. We are deep into educational debt from one degree I don't use, and I don't want to perpetuate it. I know I am getting better as a teacher, but I wonder if there's not something out there I'd love. Teaching reading or history or English, maybe? Teaching in a public school? I think about this all the time. I told Husband today that I don't want a good day to be a day when I come home and tell him that I didn't hate my job that day.

After I mulled all of this for awhile, I made a list of my goals for my life. It's not in order, nor is it definitive.

1. Sent Baby to private school
2. Hike through Spain
3. Get out of credit card debt
4. Learn to sew
5. Drive cross country
6. Go to Vancouver
7. Learn to garden
8. Be a good mama
9. Model an active/healthy lifestyle for Baby
10. Continue learning
11. Financial security/stability
12. Be a good wife
13. Go to Antarctica
14. Go to Asia
15. Run a marathon by 30
16. Own a Vespa

I think I need to figure out how to mesh my career interests/goals with my life interests/goals. I think if working for the Church paid a living wage, I might not be having this struggle, or at least not to the extent that I'm having it. I think I'm asking myself good questions, but I'm not sure where I will find the answers.