09 November 2007

Quittin' Time?

People with boy parts of feel like what is coming next might be TMI, you've been warned...

So I haven't nursed Baby in two days. Two days ago, I did my semi-weekly diaper changing and noticed red spots that looked an awful lot like the red spots he had when we got thrush. No fucking way I'm doing this again, I thought, and decided to give him a bottle. When Husband came home from class I told him about the rash and my decision to withhold the boob until after his doctor's appointment the next day. Husband agreed that was sound logic and supported my decision. We discussed whether or not we might be over the whole breastfeeding thing. The pediatrician confirmed the thrush, and I am taking aggressive measures to combat it. I'm not nursing Baby until the rash in his diaper region is cleared up.
The problem lies in that if I don't nurse, my milk might dry up, and we won't make it to the year-mark.
Cause it's me, I'm very conflicted over this. We're supposed to go a year, which means I've got about 4 1/2 months left. It's the best thing for him, and I very much want to do what is best for him. I keep telling myself that. On the other hand, I'm tired of wrestling him every time I try to nurse him. He takes his bottles really well now and just doesn't seem interested in nursing. The pediatrician says it's cause he's not feeling good rather than him trying to wean himself. The hospital said he is trying to wean himself.
To be perfectly honest, I'm kind of over the whole breastfeeding thing. To be even more honest, I've been over it from the beginning. Breastfeeding has been a lot easier for me than it has been for a lot of people, but it's never been something I've enjoyed. I don't feel like I really bonded with Baby because of this. I've bonded with him more by holding him or napping with him or playing with him. And I'm dying for a glass of wine and peanut butter crackers. Not at the same time. I'd love for someone else to occasionally put him to bed.
So Husband and I decided we are going to wait until the thrush clears up and see what happens. If I dry up, I dry up. I'll be gleefully drowning my sorrows in a bottle of pinot grigio.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good evening

Awesome blog, great write up, thank you!