On Losing Something I Never Had

In December I came up with a crazy scheme. Husband and my mother tend to mock me for my crazy schemes, as they probably should. In December I came up with the idea of my mother, Husband, and me buying a house together. My mother called this idea "intriguing," and Husband's response was, "I thought we weren't going to talk about this." Since December the three of us have had numerous discussions about renting vs. buying, and what the best plan would be. Shortly after Baby was born, she said, "I think we should buy a duplex." Unfortunately we soon found out that purchasing a duplex is not financially possible, but it got us thinking about purchasing a house. I've spent the last few weeks house hunting and looking on realtor.com. It's been a much bigger process than I expected, and after last week, we thought we might be through. After looking at a house that needed some TLC (translation: walls and ceilings), a house where the tenants didn't know they could be kicked out within 60 days, and a house where the tenants didn't bother to put their bongs away, we found a lovely four bedroom home with a nice-sized yard, a deck, and a screened porch. I could picture Baby learning to walk in the soft grass out back and watching him play in the living room. I envisioned us walking to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants on summer evenings. Husband imagined walking to soccer games at the stadium across the street. The house wasn't perfect, but it fit. It had two bedrooms downstairs, one for my mom and one for a study, and two more were upstairs. After looking at the house a few times, we made an offer. Living in the town we do, Husband and I thought the asking price of the house was very fair. The cost of living is much lower where we're planning on moving, and our realtor told us the owners stood to make a $115,000 profit. They bought the house four years ago and have made no improvements. Furthermore, their asking price was very ambitious when compared with recent sales of the same types of houses in the same neighborhood. We made an offer that was lower than what they asked, and they countered, knocking $6,000 off their asking price, which was still around $10,000 more than comparable houses had gone for. We countered again, and they didn't budge. At this point, my mother said F.U., and I am starting the process again. I understand that it wasn't meant to be, and while that attitude is hard for me, I am trying to be positive and curb my disappointment. And I'm not excited about starting the process again. Husband and I were happy to pay what the owners were asking, but we weren't willing to get ripped off or reward their greed. While I really am trying to be positive, I find myself thinking all sorts of mean thoughts towards them. Worse than that, I keep praying spiteful prayers, like Dear God, please let them not sell their house due to their overwhelming greed and selfishness and let her have to keep leaving the house with the two-year old so she just gets more and more annoyed and decides to lower the price but still no one wants to buy it because by the time they lower the price interest will have faded, but we'll have found a way better house with a screened porch and a deck, and we'll sit on that screened porch drinking homemade margaritas thinking F.U. to the selfish, greedy, homeowners. Oh, and please keep Baby and Husband safe. Amen. Yeah, I know this is wrong, and God's not going to reward my crappy attitude. I should probably just have faith that we will find a house where we fit, a house we can afford, and a house that works for all of the parties involved. It's hard, though. Having faith and a positive attitude have never been easy for me. And so I will say that I'm fine, but I will actually be a bit sad. I will restart the process next week and show Baby more potential houses than he will ever remember or care about. Maybe next week I can see a house where the tenants are running a prostitution ring or something. Good times will be had by all.